1 post tagged “the four seasons”
The new job, as I'm learning, is going to require quite of bit of travel. The hotel we use corporately is Four Seasons. Pretty nice, right? Well, only if you weren't totally freaked out by Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds.
The service is so intense at that place that it's almost uncomfortable. Obviously, I'm not meant to be some rich person as I totally don't get off on the swarming and stalking and repeated assault of the staff. It's annoying to me. You can't even go on or off the property without being stopped every time at the little driveway booth. "Welcome to Four Seasons." Or "I hope you enjoyed your time at the Four Seasons." And this little parking attendant booth looks all official like it's for security. I was assuming I'd have to show my room key or something. I didn't realize they were forcing me to stop just to shoot the shit.
Then, when you pull up the driveway, the bellmen don't even let you stop the car or get your shit together before they jump in and drive off. It's like a pit stop during a NASCAR race. You've got one bellman pulling you out of the car and popping the trunk, while another is unloading and taking off with your luggage. You're then whisked into the hotel through the cloud of dust left from your car screeching off, while four more bellmen descend upon you to ask how your trip was, each holding a door open for you. All this under, like, 30 seconds.
After I assured all five bellman that accompanied me to the front desk that I could actually handle transporting my tiny carryon bag myself, I was left with a barrage of greetings and questions from the front desk clerks. "How was your flight? How was your trip?" They don't really mean it! They don't want me to actually tell the half-hour-long rant about the kids on my flight that made it miserable. It would crush them! I couldn't do that to their sunny dispositions and eager, gleaming smiles.
After 10 minutes of forced cheerfulness I made my way to the elevator where, indeed, there was someone waiting to press the "up" button. Really? THAT'S your job? Lobby elevator button pusher? What do you even put on your resume for that? "Hotel Guest Transportation Specialist?" This person, too, made sure to ask me how my trip and my check-in was. What? The check-in? As in two minutes ago? Again, I couldn't tell her the truth that I was exhausted from the mindless chatter and the attack of the navy blue-suited Pollyannas.
FINALLY, I made it to my room. I just wanted to relax, yet THREE different times I got a soft knock and an attempted entry into my room. On the last knock, I finally went to the door and asked, "Who's there and what do you want?" Then I heard through the door, "Turn down service ma'am." Um, it's like 2 p.m.! Not quite ready for bed yet. Then I made the mistake of asking her to come back later. See, I should have specified an exact time because she did come back later - about three more times. Realizing that I wouldn't be able to get any peace and quiet in my room, I decided to head to the beach and start knocking back some cocktails.
No luck on the relaxation there either. I couldn't even get one sip down before a waiter would come up and ask if I needed anything, and of course, how my stay was going. They would come up with towels and robes and umbrellas and flip flops and lotions, etc. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can do without a $100 pair of flip flops added to my room.
This kind of service annoyance went on for my entire stay. I was really almost to the point of checking in to some budget motel just to have a place to visit to get away from the staff. Seriously, what's that motel that says, "We'll leave the light on for you?" That's perfect! That's about as much service as I require. That's where I want to stay next time!
